Her body is perfect. She is so beautiful.
27/04/2012
I couldn’t sleep at all last night and ended up going to sleep at 4am. I slept into 2 which is such a waste of the day but i looked at it positively, I hadn’t eaten all day, imagine the calories i spared :) I wasn’t hungry all day just peckish and all I ate were a few grapes here and then. I was going good! For dinner I cooked myself 3 small pieces of fish fillet (the oven bake ones) and had them with tomato sauce. As soon as I ate it I wanted it out of me so I went to the bathroom and purged it up. Throughout tonight I snacked ALOT it was soo bad! I had a baked bean sandwich purged that straight away then i snacked on cabbage and had a coffee and then i had weetbix buiscuts with butter and jam on them. I have such a weird taste for food i know but what the actual fuck. I just eat and eat and EAT :( Feeling guilty I purged until there was nothing left. I feel as if I gain 1 kilo every time food enters my mouth and I hate it. I just want to be skinny :(
26/04/2012
Today I had lunch at subway with a few good mates, i ordered the usual chicken wrap and coke zero, all together less then 400 cals :) When I came home I saw that mum had brought this really nice caramel and apple bun from bakers delight and left me some, i couldn’t say no, that shit is delicious… but the thing is i need to learn to say no. I went to the bathroom straight away and purged it up, I ate it in tiny pieces so it would be easier to barf up, after I did that I felt good, and it was cool to know that I could still enjoy treats now and then, cos I could get rid of it straight away! Anyway that afternoon I skipped dinner and went straight to volleyball training, I burned a good few hundred calories in that training session. Everytime I had to do burpee’s, sit up’s or push up’s I would push myself to do at least 5-10 more. As I was training tonight all I could think was how badly i need to be thin for the 1D concert next year, as lame as it sounds, 1D are my motivation to lose weight! After training I came home and my Dad asked me if I had had dinner but I lied and said yes. I then went straight to my room and got changed from training. I got peckish so I went into the kitchen to get some food, I saw grapes and grabbed them straight away, knowing they were low in cals. I also saw we had chocolate, macadamia, my fave. I wasn’t going to have anyway at first but then I realised I could eat it then purge it out straight away. So after I ate it I went and had a shower and used my tooth brush to purge it out while I was in there. I kept purging till there was nothing coming up. As gross as it sounds, i find it so satisfying. I’m getting smaller and keeping the weight off. I can’t wait to lose more weight!
From Bad To Good
Walking to the kicthen I saw dad had made some curry, and omg he makes good curry. I ended up having a bowl full with tomato sauce. It was so hot so i had 3 glasses of milk to wash it down! I felt so guilty, wtf did i do? Where did my will power go, I was eating right before bed time.
The only way I would feel better is if i vomited it all up… and after a full day without any vomiting i sat myself down and got my tooth brush and made myself vomit. It was disgusting, the spices came back up and my mouth started to burn again, it was gross but i got everything out which was good! I then weighed myself and felt even better. At the start of this week i was 73kg, I am now 68.5kg, I am actually so happy :) My goal is to be 60kg
Another good day! I hung out with my friend Mel and we went crusing around town seeing and making up fun! Better yet I didn’t snack or eat unhealthy all today! My will power is getting stronger and stronger and I am finding it easier to say no to bad food. For lunch I had a chicken strips wrap at subway, I had lettuce, tomato, onion, carrots and a little but of mayo on it which made it around 350 cals :) Then for dinner I had Chicken and BokChoy which wouldn’t of been more then 400cals :) And of course I have managed to go through another good 2L of coke zero… soo bad. BUT! I am already noticing a difference with my body, keen to only get smaller!
Tonight I went and saw American Pie: The Reunion, with an old friend. It was such a funny movie and I really liked it, but the only thing that ran through my mind was how skinny the actresses were and how perfect they looked. They were all so small and fragile, there was barely an ounce of fat on them, they looked SOO good :/
Today has been a good day! I got tickets to see One Direction next year in September! I will be skinny for their concert. And I will look good for them.
Little by little
- Walking 10,000 steps a day
- A 30 to 45-minute cardio machine workout
- A brisk walk
- Riding a bike at a medium pace
